Pudgy Pete is back at it again. It’s Courage Classic season.
But this year, things have taken a concerning turn in the world of sports science.
Inspired by the recent craze surrounding injectable weight-loss medications, Pudgy retreated deep into his laboratory one dark, stormy night to develop a revolutionary new alternative of his own: WeGoHeavy™.
Unlike those other medications focused on appetite suppression and slimming down, Pudgy’s proprietary GLP (which he proudly insists stands for “Good Looking Pudgy”) is designed specifically for strategic weight gain and “enhanced downhill momentum.”
According to Pudgy, the science is simple: “Mass equals speed.” Actual scientists have declined to comment, and any self-assured sports scientist has exasperatedly repeated, “But what about the uphill!”
After many long hours in the lab, Pudgy believes he has perfected the formula and insists that traditional delivery methods be used, but it’s unclear how he's using the turkey baster, and Cathy has requested that we stop asking.
The side effects of WeGoHeavy™ reportedly include excessive confidence, labored breathing on inclines, and an inflated belief that one is “absolutely flying” while descending mountain passes at alarming speeds.
But despite the questionable medical ethics surrounding his latest endeavor, Pudgy is once again training to ride the Courage Classic in Summit County: an 85-mile two-day cycling event supporting lifesaving research at Children’s Hospital Colorado.
While Pudgy may joke about miracle drugs and “performance optimization,” the cause behind this ride is no laughing matter. Funds raised through Courage Classic directly support groundbreaking pediatric research and the brilliant young investigators working to improve treatments and outcomes for children and families receiving care.
This year, proceeds will fund research for a young investigator charting new techniques to hernia induced hypertension in newborns. Currently, this complication has a 50% mortality rate, but with your support, we can increase the odds for these kiddos.
So please consider supporting Pudgy Pete’s Courage Classic ride this year. Every donation helps advance lifesaving research, and may also help prevent Pudgy from bringing WeGoHeavy™ to market. As always, Pudgy will personally match every donation dollar for dollar.
Click the pink button above to donate online or mail a check to Pudgy at his office: 8351 E Belleview Avenue, Denver, CO 80237 (made out to Children's Hospital Colorado Foundation with “Rider #2526 Peter Culshaw” in the notes).
